I'm rather embarrassed that my previous post was on the weekend as well, but I suppose it serves as an appropriate representation of just how busy I have been this week.

In a long conversation over dinner with my good friend Miss G. (her first year teacher blog can be found here) I got the detox I have so sorely needed all week. Therefore, this blog will be less complaining and more of a recap of the kind of things I've been dealing with this week. Consider yourselves lucky!!! Let's shoot for highs and lows:

Highs
-Making the decision to bring in the social worker to help me work through a problem with my challenge student, and making a HUGE breakthrough, such that he behaved and really worked hard for the rest of the week.
-My teammate, Liz, telling me that she thinks that so far I'm "rocking" my first year. That meant so much to me.
-My mentor teaching me to stand up for myself, and helping me remember that I AM A PROFESSIONAL! I am capable, competent, and perfectly ready to drive the train, instead of running after it.
-Seeing other new teachers (to the district, not to teaching) in the hallway at 6:30am and other ungodly times throughout the day with the same look on their face that I have most of the time.
-Phone conversation with a parent who is NOT crazy. She may be the only one in my class.
-Leaving the building by 3:15 on Friday. Can you say rock star?!

LOWS
-Confronting a student who is generally well behaved about calling someone "special ed" and intending for it to be hurtful
-Feeling like I'm picking on the girl in my class who is totally clueless and is never doing what she is supposed to be doing
-Another girl in my class getting a VERY low score on her Reading NWEA test and having to worry about how the parents will react
-Feeling inadequate about keeping up with everything on my mental list
-The email from a parent who said she was going to observe my classroom for an ENTIRE SCHOOL DAY. And then after my carefully crafted response that in teacherese basically said: NO F^$&*%$ WAY LADY, she wrote back and said "I"ll come in for Math on Tuesday. Perhaps we can start with that." And realizing that I was being bullied.
-Not sleeping/waking up 3 times every single night because I'm dreaming about school
-Feeling bogged down by the realization that I am responsible for preparing these kids for middle school, and that in so many ways they are barely prepared for fifth grade

If you take nothing else from this email, let it be this: Teaching is very very very very hard. It's exhausting, and frustrating, and painful, and it makes you beat yourself up every single day because you know that there are a thousand more things that you SHOULD OR COULD be doing, but you CAN'T because you are too physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted at the end of the day. Every day I play a hundred roles: mother, teacher, babysitter, mediator, secretary, administrator, psychologist, social worker, friend, coworker, leader, guide............

I love what I do, but the first year has already (at the fourth week of school, no less) shown me exactly how people burn out of this profession. No matter how good my cooperating teacher was, or how successful my student teaching, or that I graduated with honors - none of it could have truly prepared me for what I face every day. I just keep learning and refining my understanding, and hopefully one day soon I will be able to sit down at my desk at the end of the day and not have to catch my breath.