I have a link to this blog at the top of my browser toolbar so that I am reminded of it daily. Every single day this week I looked at it and thought to myself "I should really update that at lunch" but every single day this week I was working through my lunch just as feverishly as I worked through the rest of the day.

Every week, though, gets a little bit better in some ways. I am CONSTANTLY learning with this job, and I'm grateful for that. It will be years before I feel like I know even the majority of what there is to know about teaching, but at least for now I'm making progress. My mentor teacher is a saint. This week she helped me see that I'm doing a great job for the amount of experience I have and the amount of hours in the day. She showed me that I"m on the right track and gave me practical advice for how to keep moving forward. I feel like I'm doing well. I'm using data to inform my teaching, I'm getting to know my students, I'm planning ahead and using the learning goals and objectives as a guide for how I plan. There are a thousand things that I didn't learn in my undergrad or during student teaching that I'm picking up as I go along. I guess that's the way it should be.

In the meantime, I have a laundry list of things to do. I love working on the north side because I have tomorrow off for Yom Kippur :-) A whole day off to work on school stuff.....

I'm rather embarrassed that my previous post was on the weekend as well, but I suppose it serves as an appropriate representation of just how busy I have been this week.

In a long conversation over dinner with my good friend Miss G. (her first year teacher blog can be found here) I got the detox I have so sorely needed all week. Therefore, this blog will be less complaining and more of a recap of the kind of things I've been dealing with this week. Consider yourselves lucky!!! Let's shoot for highs and lows:

Highs
-Making the decision to bring in the social worker to help me work through a problem with my challenge student, and making a HUGE breakthrough, such that he behaved and really worked hard for the rest of the week.
-My teammate, Liz, telling me that she thinks that so far I'm "rocking" my first year. That meant so much to me.
-My mentor teaching me to stand up for myself, and helping me remember that I AM A PROFESSIONAL! I am capable, competent, and perfectly ready to drive the train, instead of running after it.
-Seeing other new teachers (to the district, not to teaching) in the hallway at 6:30am and other ungodly times throughout the day with the same look on their face that I have most of the time.
-Phone conversation with a parent who is NOT crazy. She may be the only one in my class.
-Leaving the building by 3:15 on Friday. Can you say rock star?!

LOWS
-Confronting a student who is generally well behaved about calling someone "special ed" and intending for it to be hurtful
-Feeling like I'm picking on the girl in my class who is totally clueless and is never doing what she is supposed to be doing
-Another girl in my class getting a VERY low score on her Reading NWEA test and having to worry about how the parents will react
-Feeling inadequate about keeping up with everything on my mental list
-The email from a parent who said she was going to observe my classroom for an ENTIRE SCHOOL DAY. And then after my carefully crafted response that in teacherese basically said: NO F^$&*%$ WAY LADY, she wrote back and said "I"ll come in for Math on Tuesday. Perhaps we can start with that." And realizing that I was being bullied.
-Not sleeping/waking up 3 times every single night because I'm dreaming about school
-Feeling bogged down by the realization that I am responsible for preparing these kids for middle school, and that in so many ways they are barely prepared for fifth grade

If you take nothing else from this email, let it be this: Teaching is very very very very hard. It's exhausting, and frustrating, and painful, and it makes you beat yourself up every single day because you know that there are a thousand more things that you SHOULD OR COULD be doing, but you CAN'T because you are too physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted at the end of the day. Every day I play a hundred roles: mother, teacher, babysitter, mediator, secretary, administrator, psychologist, social worker, friend, coworker, leader, guide............

I love what I do, but the first year has already (at the fourth week of school, no less) shown me exactly how people burn out of this profession. No matter how good my cooperating teacher was, or how successful my student teaching, or that I graduated with honors - none of it could have truly prepared me for what I face every day. I just keep learning and refining my understanding, and hopefully one day soon I will be able to sit down at my desk at the end of the day and not have to catch my breath.

Ah, the weekend :-D

Today has been so relaxing, and not because I haven't done anything, but because I have done it at my own pace. There is no schedule to follow, no meetings to get to, no bells ringing to tell me I'm out of time. I don't have seventeen kids shouting my name all at once, I'm not running down the hallway because I have to make copies, and I'm NOT working through my lunch.

It is Saturday. Saturdays are wonderful :-)

On another note: We hosted Curriculum night this week on Thursday, and it was a huge success! The parents were kind, supportive, good listeners. Many of them came up to me and gave me great compliments and praise about how the year has begun, and the positive changes they've experienced from last year to this year. The parents are my second biggest critics (next to myself, of course) and I'm glad to know they are feeling comfortable with my choices in the classroom.

My neighbor at school told me that last year the parents in my class were very quiet, and that the previous teacher was under the impression that this group of parents was rather uninvolved - not uncaring, mind you, but not too in your face. Au contraire! my friend. I am now receiving DAILY emails from parents. So far I have only experienced one "scary" phone call, but was able to smooth things over without any violence on her part. However, they're definitely involved this year. Maybe it's because they know I'll listen? Because they know I'll make every effort to do what they ask? Because they feel I'm competent and professional and will do my absolute best to meet their students' needs?

Let's hope it's the last one.

I'm a total slacker.....but only in the blogging sense.

Things at school have been ridiculously busy, but I am finally feeling like I've found a rhythm. I'm able to look ahead and plan farther in advance. I'm using my resources (people and materials) to answer my questions and improve my teaching. I'm still feeling exhausted when I wake up, and dreaming about school (usually waking up at least once because of it) but I'm feeling less "burned out" when the kids leave at 2:30.

I would have to say that this week my kids have made great improvements in their behavior. They are a needy group- always getting out of their seats (without considering if it's an appropriate time) to ask questions that I've usually answered already. I find myself repeating directions more than once, writing them down, and referring kids to them over and over. While this is tedious, I'm already seeing a change. The kids are starting to consider whether their question is one that is crucial and requires an immediate answer, or whether they can answer it themselves or leave it on a post-it note. I'm trying to make them more independent, and I think that by Thanksgiving (HOPEFULLY) they will have it down.

Schedules are always thrown off at the beginning of the year with testing. As benchmark tests and standardized tests are administered, we have to give up teaching time. So far, that's ok with me, because the information I get from those tests will help me figure out how to meet their needs better. In the mean time, however, I have a lot of space to fill, so here's to thinking on your feet!

I know I've been slacking with pictures. I'll get there, promise.

This morning I had my first of what will be monthly new teacher meetings. This weekend I wrote my sub plans for the afternoon, then promptly re-wrote them last night to calm a colleague who was freaking out about missing the morning because he was afraid his fourth graders couldn't handle a sub for the literacy block.

So, I arrived at school at 6:30 (this is becoming normal. That scares me.) to get some (more) work done before I had to be at my new teacher meeting at 8:30. Of course, I had everything prepared for the sub the night before, thinking that I would be able to sleep in and go straight to the new teacher meeting at 8:30. Unfortunately, I chickened out and opted to work for an hour before school, rather than staying at school till after 5pm 2 days in a row. I stayed till 4, and am considering that a rock star move.

While the meeting wasn't necessarily as productive or relaxing as the administration advertised it to be, it was a welcome break from the classroom. The first few weeks are undeniably stressful, overwhelming, and frustrating. There are so many questions that lack answers, lists upon lists of things that you still need to accomplish, and voices in your head that are constantly reminding you of what you're not doing, but should be. It's truly exhausting, but a morning away from the children made 100% of a difference. When I came back in the afternoon and they were actually happy to see me, it made me remember what I had nearly forgotten in the first week: I love kids, and I love teaching.

Just a brief respite helped me get my bearings and think about what has gone well and what needs improvement. It helped me prioritize and brought to light the ways in which I am already ahead. In the first weeks, and first months, to be fair, it is ALL about baby steps. I've mentioned this before, but it is rapidly becoming my mantra. Accept that big things don't come immediately. Big accomplishments are the product of countless baby steps, especially for teachers.

Oh, and among other little victories today, I survived my first scary parent phone call. This particular parent is known to be rather intense, and her voicemail was down right frightening. I was literally shaking after listening to it. But I did my homework before calling back, thought through her concern and figured out an answer. I was an active listener and asked how I could help, thanked her so much for calling, and ended the conversation by telling her what strides her son has made since last year. She actually thanked me, told me that my explanation made perfect sense, and we hung up on very good terms. Perhaps I have won the trust of this parent. It gives me confidence that I do have the skills to win the trust of many more :-)

Although I am at the point where I really should be in bed, I thought an update was in order:

This week the kids are starting to show their fifth grade tendencies. Think about a ten year old you know. Yep, that's right. He or She can be a very snotty kid sometimes. Other times they can be the coolest kid you know. At this point, my students are starting to push the limits. I assume that some of this has to do with typical control issues that every new teacher faces. The other half of it has to do with what the kids were used to last year. I run a much tighter ship than their previous teacher, and the adjustment phase is just now starting to kick in. I'm really trying hard to accept that baby steps will have to do, and I'm trying equally as hard to celebrate little victories and ignore the frustrations for the moment.

With a concrete schedule, meeting dates for my mentor and instructional coach settled, and my desk cleared off of first week paper mania, I'm doing ok. I have to have a substitute tomorrow morning while I attend my first mandatory professional development meeting. Can you believe it?! Professional development and I haven't even been in the classroom for a full week! I can only hope that my sub plans are sufficient, and that those darling children behave themselves....

Breathe in, breathe out. Repeat.

First week, DONE!

I feel really good about what I have accomplished this week, but I am definitely weary of what's to come. As of about 10:30 this morning, my mini-team will have to adopt a new schedule, which means I'm left to re-plan everything for next week. While I'd rather not spend my Saturday planning, I'm trying to be flexible. Flexibility and adaptability are two qualities of really good teachers, and I'm doing my best to suck it up and go with the flow.

I'm not sure that the previous post captured my true feelings about being a teacher. I had a few moments today when I looked around that made me aware of how far I've come. When I read aloud from James and the Giant Peach today, they sat there and listened so intently - some with wide eyes and some completely at peace. They did what they were told after hearing the directions only ONCE and worked together cooperatively and respectfully to start re-organizing our classroom library. And when I watched them or caught their faces out of the corner of my eye, I realized that this is what I have always been meant to do. Those kids look to me for guidance, for knowledge, for answers, and I can give it all to them. I've only known them for a short time, but I'm already attached - even to the ones that drive me crazy on an hourly basis. Each kid is special. Each kid brings an important dynamic to the classroom. Each kid tests me in different ways and challenges me to work harder to be the best teacher I can be.

But baby steps, Katy. I can't do it all at once. My biggest challenge this year will be reigning in my expectations for myself. They can't get so high that I become overwhelmed, because that is how burnout starts. I'm too set on this job to get burned out in my first year, so, I repeat...


baby steps.

It's funny. Today was my second full day as a real-life teacher and the novelty has already worn off. I find that completely hilarious.

I suppose that could mean many things:
1. I've reached my comfort zone early
2. Teaching is a crazy profession that requires an incredible amount of stamina every day
3. I'm a cynic

Now, I don't mean to say that I don't like my job. That couldn't be farther from the truth. I think I have one of the best jobs in the world. I might have trouble dragging myself out of bed at 5am on a rainy morning, but I never wish for school to be cancelled (just for 294 to be traffic-free.)

My first day went really well. I over-planned, but got through about 3/4 of the material I planned, which I thought was pretty commendable considering that the first day is always so crazy. I explained procedures and we got to know each other, organized all our supplies and took first day pictures. The kids did great, and they were obviously listening carefully because this morning (Day 2) they followed all the procedures without any reminders or any problems. This was a total shock to me, as the 3rd graders I had in the fall took weeks to perfect the morning routine. I'll give myself a bit of credit - I was very clear when I explained my expectations, and I think that made a lot of difference.

I do have to say that I am really proud of myself. I can't believe I'm really here, where I've been headed since I was in second grade. I feel confident about my role in the classroom, but I am still a little nervous about what goes on behind the scenes. There are extremely high expectations in this district, and I'm concerned about things like parent complaints/concerns/gossip, about planning a 90 minute reading block without so much as a set of clear learning goals provided by the district, about my principal not agreeing with the schedule we developed last year and waiting to throw a fit until the night before the first day of school.

Things are still up in the air, and there's a lot of worries, but I keep trying to remind myself that it's ONLY DAY 2...even if it feels like we've been here for weeks. It's only my FIRST YEAR of teaching, so I don't have to be perfect. And there are so many people in my building that are eager and willing to help me figure everything out. If there's one thing I'm the most thankful for, it's the staff in the building I work in. The welcome I have received is unbelievable, and the support that I get every single day is so helpful. I'm a lucky gal :-)

I feel like that was an unsubstantial description, but I'm so exhausted that I've run out of brain cells. Ask questions, and I'll answer them - that will be easier!

Well, the moment is almost here. I am so excited to get those kids in my room and get this year started! I left today with the thought that tomorrow is the first official day of my career. Tomorrow I get to do what I've wanted to do since I was a second grader.

I was riding my bike around the neighborhood last night to clear my head, and on my way home I rode on the sidewalk near my elementary school. I looked in the windows and was hit with deja vu. I've done that so many times before, and every time I've looked to my right into the third grade hallway windows and checked out the classrooms thinking, "that's going to be me some day." And last night, my thought was, "that's going to be me on.....WEDNESDAY!!"

To have reached this point is somewhat unbelievable to me. About 5 months ago I recall wishing desperately that I could just skip the end of second semester, skip the anxiety of the job search, skip the unknown that lay ahead of me, and get to whatever it was that my future would turn out to be. But here I am, SO LUCKY to be employed in a great district, working with people I admire already, after only a short time.

I'm ready for school. Are you?

After an entire week of unpaid training, my district has officially decided I'm ready to join the league of teachers :-)

It has been a really long week, but I think overall a very productive one. While the training got a bit tedious and occasionally redundant, it definitely got my brain working in the right direction. I tried to "take the summer off" for possibly the last time ever. I say this because no teacher ever truly "takes the summer off." Sure we get a couple of months where we're not contracted to be in school, but good teachers are always always thinking about school. In fact, most of the teachers I've talked to this year spent a good portion of their summer re-vamping their strategies, doing long range planning, or re-organizing their rooms.

One of the teachers said something the other day that really struck a chord with me: Teaching is a really easy profession to do poorly. To be a good teacher takes everything you've got. Long hours before and after school. Planning and re-planning and teaching and re-teaching. Talking to angry parents and taking kids' temperatures and grading homework. There's so many pieces, so many things to remember and keep track of, and yet, there's always more you can do.

That being said...

I love my job, and I am so freakin' excited about the kids. They arrive on Wednesday, and I know that when they walk in the door, the last 3 weeks of unpaid work, stress, and occasional frustration will all seem worth it. Seriously, it's going to be a really phenomenal year.

Professional Learning Communities (PLC) could be explained thoroughly in one hour. Today it was explained in four hours.


Reader's Digest version of my day: Long, tedious, but ohhhhh so necessary in teacher land. At least, that's what I'm told.

Today was very successful in teacher land. The second day of training definitely proved more boring than the first, but I think the administration communicated some good stuff, and achieved their goals today.

The focus of our morning was the Danielson framework. Basically, it's a program for educators that provides a clear-cut set of objectives and expectations for teachers and associates. It came about because for years teachers had been evaluated based on one or two formal observations by their principals. Unfortunately, these evaluations tended to be inauthentic and didn't involve enough dialogue between teacher and principal about what was actually happening in the classroom. The Danielson framework provides administrators and teachers with objectives so that their job is made very clear. It's used for lesson planning, teaching, and reflection and the results of these three components are the basis for the evaluation. In the end, I'll meet with my principal one on one 5 times this year to discuss my progress and present some evidence of what I'm doing in the classroom. She will also conduct a formal observation at least once, and then I'll get a final evaluation at the end of the year called the "summative" evaluation that will take into account all the other meetings/observations. It's a pretty cool system, and actually takes a bit of the stress out of the process. I know exactly what's expected of me, so I can do it on my terms.

This afternoon we went to our buildings for some time to work in our classrooms. We (the 7 new staff members) met with the principal for a while to discuss how the Danielson framework would work in our building, and other basic procedural stuff. I've actually been in the school before and know a lot of that stuff, and since my principal wasn't hired till this summer, a lot of those questions were fielded by me.

And now, enough chatter. I'm going to create a class website :-)

Today was my very first day of teacher training. It's official, I am a real live staff member. I have a badge with my face on it as proof :-)

My district provides/requires a full week of training for new teachers entering the district. This is a really great resource, and speaks to the quality of the district I'm working for. Not only does it seem to be very child-centered, but it also manages a great deal of concern for its staff. I feel like I"m going to get all the support I could possibly need in my first year, and certainly beyond.

The resources alone are astounding. Today they handed all 50 new teachers in the district brand new Macbooks (upon which I am typing this post) and explicitly explained that the use of technology in this district is NOT optional. The tech director put it this way: our kids are living in the 21st century, and if we're not teaching with technology, then we're not teaching the right way. While this is a crude way of putting it, I tend to agree. Kids learn in so many different ways, and by embracing technology and all the resources it provides we can better meet our students' needs. I already incorporate technology into my teaching, and I was the recipient of a grant through the district to have a SMARTboard installed in my classroom, so accomplishing this should be a breeze this year.

Our training today also involved a sweet road rally where I got to unleash the .5% of me that is competitive. I drove like a mad woman, heckled other teams, honked my horn, and purposely parked like a jerk to prevent other teams from getting to the place on the photo scavenger hunt list. All the while this behavior was encouraged by one of the district administrators who served as our team captain and navigator. He is a rock star.

I'm pretty sure tomorrow won't be nearly as interesting or fun, but will probably be helpful....I guess....

So, after two 6 hour days in a row, I am feeling pretty good about going into new teacher training next week. Yesterday morning I sat down and made a long list of all the things I needed to do this week. Today, I crossed off at least 5. I thought that was pretty good, considering it involved quite a bit of copying and some binding (my least favorite teacher thing to do next to bulletin boards). Oh and paper cutting, which comes in at number 3 on the things I hate about being a teacher list. That list is short, btw.

I've decided that I've worked enough hours off the clock. There are 2 other new teachers (new to the school, not to teaching) on my team, and one was only hired a couple days ago, so I definitely have a leg up. I am taking tomorrow off to go shopping and prepare for a weekend of relaxation in Wisconsin. I think I need a breather before "shit gets real" if you will :-)

Today I came to the harsh realization that the school year is almost upon us. Although, I should say it came upon me in my sleep last night - or lack thereof.

I went to bed around 10:30 like a good little teacher. I'm trying to get my body back onto a normal schedule so that I am not a zombie when the children arrive. I fell into a restful slumber that quickly turned sour. I started dreaming about whiteboards and folders and lesson planning. My dreams about school tend to be centered around me being surrounded by ideas, memories, etc. of things that I haven't done and still need to do. It's almost like in cartoons after somebody gets hit over the top of the head and when they wake up there's a circle of birds like a halo. Except my halo is post-it notes, and on each one of them is something that I forgot to do. I also tend to have incoherent thoughts about lesson planning, mostly anxiety driven. Blegh.

So, to combat this unfortunate string of dreams (which, I might add, does not leave me after school starts, but rather is a recurrence on almost a nightly basis) I learned during student teaching that I have to either listen to music while falling asleep, or read something until I fall asleep. My downfall: Reading a teacher's memoir till I fell asleep. Oooooops.

Otherwise, I think I have officially gotten to the point where I can stop doing mundane decorating tasks in the classroom and get down to the meat of it all - the planning. This strikes up a bit of anxiety since I feel rather out of practice, but I think once I get in the zone I should be able to produce some decent stuff for my kids.

Today was a very productive day in the classroom, though the tasks I completed were, for the most part, small or mundane. I got more laminating done, put up titles for the bulletin boards, set out supply boxes according to my seating chart I drafted in May, and wrote note cards for my schedule chart. I also discovered the "warehouse catalog" for the district, and made a list of all kinds of supplies for my classroom. Thankfully, that money will come out of my team budget, which, I'm told, is rather large, and not out of my own pocket :-D

I'm also back in contact with my mini-team via email (That's my next door neighboor Liz, and down the hall Nancy) about when we will begin departmentalizing. We were really fortunate to have our schedules match this year, and decided that we will use 3/4 half hour blocks in the day to teach social studies, science, and language arts. I will be in charge of all three sections of science, Liz has social studies, and Nancy has Language arts.

Here's why I LOVE the idea of departmentalization:
1. I get to plan 2 less subjects every week.
2. I have the time and energy to plan my subject really well.
3. It forces me to make time in the day for all 3 of those subjects - all of which are important to me.

Here's the scary part:
1. You really have to trust your team, because you don't get a hand in planning the other subjects.
2. You are at the mercy of how well the other members of the team teach their subjects, and if a kid isn't being successful, chances are you have to deal with the parent issues.
3. You actually have 3 classrooms worth of parents to deal with and 3 classrooms worth of report cards to manage. YUCK.

This week is off to a good start, it seems.

Do you want to know a secret?

It's a big one, and something that teachers don't usually talk about, but I definitely mean it when I say that I LOATHE putting up bulletin boards.

I know. It's wrong. But I just can't stand it. I'm sure it has something to do with the fact that I am spatially challenged and that I never feel struck with creative genius when I am in the middle of creation, but I really reaaaaallyyyy hate them. So, the background colors and borders may very well never change for the entire year. I promise, however, to change the content attached to said backgrounds...................at least once ;-)

In other news, I finally received in the mail 32 Third Graders and One Class Bunny by Phillip Done. After reading the introduction, I thought I was going to cry. Done has a way of describing what it means to be a teacher with such sympathy. And I think the best part of this book for me is that he seems to be teaching in a very average classroom situation. Often teachers who write memoirs about teaching will write about their dramatically difficult situations in poor public schools with students who have next to nothing and with administration that probably cannot even spell the word supportive. This book, however, describes the plight of the everyday teacher - the teacher who has a good mixture of challenges and positive teacher moments on a daily basis, one who makes mistakes and learns from them, one who has piles of paper lying everywhere and uses sarcasm in the classroom and tries to be too direct on report cards.

I've only read about 1 quarter of the book so far, but I am seriously considering recommending this book as homework for the parents in my class this year. I think a lot of parents, especially in the neighborhood where I will be teaching, look down on our profession as something very simple. Phillip Done's book might give these folks an inside look into what an average teacher's life is really like. I could use that sympathy from parents, I'm sure.

My new favorite word is: (drumroll please..............................)

PROGRESS

Yes, it is coming in baby steps at the moment, but I would have to say that as far as my classroom is concerned, there is quite a bit of progress being made. I told my friend Miss G. today that today was the first day that I left my school feeling like things will, eventually, come together. Yes, this process is overwhelming, but I wouldn't say that I'm overly stressed about it. I'm a realist, I think, and I'm generally able to look at a situation and assess whether or not it is a realistic task. In this case, I'm dealing with fifth graders. They're disillusioned to a certain extent. I don't have to worry as much about the presentation of the room - the "wow factor" if you will. They don't want to be baby-ed, so I'm going to try to focus less on making the room itself perfect and more on tackling content, approach, and concept.

Tomorrow my mom is coming with me, and we will be delivering my teacher chair. An essential item, I think, and I hope it will add that missing home-like feel to the room. I will also take my first crack at laminating tomorrow! Nerd city, I know, but this is a big moment folks!! Here's hoping I don't burn down the building, laminate my shirt, or ruin my awesome posters.

I'm sitting in my classroom as we speak, trying to get things organized. It seems like these piles of books are never ending, but I'm starting to make a dent. I have to say that as overwhelming as it can be to fill a big empty room, when I walk in here, it's easy to get right down to business. Having a layout for the furniture really helps, and the more "accessories" I bring in, the easier it is to get things organized. I've been told that I'll pull it all apart and put it back together at least 3 times before the year is over, but I'm ok with that as long as everything is in it's place by the first day of school.

Other staff members are starting to float back into the building, but they don't seem to be as concerned as I am. I'm actually looking forward to next year when I can come back to my room looking exactly the way I left it. I'd love to not have to go through this again any time soon.

I've procrastinated organizing the rest of those books quite enough though. Back to work!

With a few hours of work yesterday, I am on my way to crossing things off of the aforementioned list. I hope that after putting in the hours on this stuff that I actually use it.

One of my fears about having my own classroom is that I'll have trouble with follow-through. There's a lot of steps in education, especially when you're talking about assessment. Pre, during, post, formative or summative, plus that assessment has to be authentic, and you have to use the information you gather to create some kind of grade that reflects what the student is actually capable of doing. Phew.

One of my main goals for myself this year is to be organized to the point where I can keep track of all the routines I set in place and finish everything I start. I don't want things to just peter off toward the middle of the semester because I forget about them or because we're doing something else. In order to show my students that I'm serious about consistency and quality of work, I have to expect the same of myself.